It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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