I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
