quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
the day after is always just damage control
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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