According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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