So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
