Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
