do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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