So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
