tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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