I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
