Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
