you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
