I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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