Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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