In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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