I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
