Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
