and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
