i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
