shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
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Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
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My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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