Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
