careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize