mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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