I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
