Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
