I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
