Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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