I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Found your dick twin last night
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
