trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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