I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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