I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
