Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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