I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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