i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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