I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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