yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
