Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
