just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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