Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
