I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Randomize
