wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
