I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
