ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
