How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
