He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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