I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
