her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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