Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
