True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Randomize
