The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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