what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
