soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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