she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
