Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
