I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm having to shit out rocks
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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