so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
