I want to make a zoo with you.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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