...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I love having hate sex.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
