I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
this must be what syphilis tastes like
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
