Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
my poor anus
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
