Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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