hell yes lets make some ravioli
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We're too hungover to prance.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
